I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
