I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
