when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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