Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
