This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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