i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
