Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
