This is not my ceiling
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
