We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
