anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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