he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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