I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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