Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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