I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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