Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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