This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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