I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
