He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He felt like a one man threesome
17 year olds will be the death of me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
