don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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