Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
