if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
