never play flip cup with pint glasses
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
