I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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