I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
