even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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