Will you blow on my dice?
one might say we're banned from that church
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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