got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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