why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
