Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize