Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
