My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
