you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
