'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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