took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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