i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
