I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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