Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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