My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
