he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
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Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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