took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
