Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
we should paint friendship bongs
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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