I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
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MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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