oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
