just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
