I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
