Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
