dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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