jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
