just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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