I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
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I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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