He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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