if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
false alarm. still invincible.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
