He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
