Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
