So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
