Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
