I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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