Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize