proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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