remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
