Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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