its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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