saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
