3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
