Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
