the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
