I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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