You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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