Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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