I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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