You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
