I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
