Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All I want is dick and wine.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
