I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
