We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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