1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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