There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
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You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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